How do you measure a year...

I would like to say I measured my past year with the happy moments like the ones I have blogged about here. But in reality, my year has been measured in miscarriages, and waiting. This past year has been by far the most challenging one I have lived thus far. I never thought when Travis and I decided that we wanted to add another baby to our family, I would endure two miscarriages, and one ruptured ectopic, including the loss of my left tube- and all in a time frame just shy nine months. Time passes so slowly when your heart is hurting, and desiring something that continuously seems just out of reach. I have tried to remember the words of a friend of mine, and, "Praise Him in this storm," but some days are just harder than others. I am tired of hearing the phrase, "At least you can get pregnant," from Doctors and people who don't seem to understand the level of loss we feel each time a pregnancy doesn't work out. We are now once again in the waiting after having suffered our third loss just last week. When the wait is over, we will have reached exactly one year since we started trying to add another baby to our family. It has been my "year of infinite sadness." I am hoping we may see the light soon, and then I won't feel like I need to make a mental effort to put on my happy face each morning as I leave the house.

Through all of this, I have learned that everyone has some sort of pain that they do not share. They may look fine, and smile... attend events, celebrate happy times, and are even grateful for good things in their life. Doing all of these things, they still hurt. Knowing this, I have become much more understanding and willing to meet people where they are at. I have begun assuming people are hurting, and treat each person as such- which a little extra dose of kindness and patience. I have also learned that you really don't know what is going on with someone unless you take the time to ask. I now take that time....

So we will see what the Plan is. I think everyday about whether we should continue on this quest for another baby, or if we should just stop and celebrate the time we have with our real little miracle. That question will remain for another day and we will just continue doing what we have become so good at.... waiting.

A Big but Rough Night

Tonight was a big night for our Sweet Evyn Rose... tonight was this night she gave up her Pacifier (aka "Pappi" rhyming with "crappy"). We made it a VERY big deal, talking about it all afternoon, going over the steps of collecting the pacies, dropping them in a bag upstairs, and wishing hard for her hearts deepest wish... a Purple Princess Dress!!! So, we wrote "P. Fairy" a note asking for, "A clean, purple dress," and requesting that all of our pacies go to Baby Hunter because he has "only one."
Things went fine, until the lights went out.... and then the crying began. She cried and cried, begging for "only one pappi, for my bed!!!!!" Then she cried about her "boo-boo" and that her finger wouldn't fit into her belly button, etc, etc, etc. Forty-five minutes later, she did it!!! She fell asleep without her paci and will be richly rewarded tomorrow morning with her heart's desire: a Purple Fairy Princess Dress, matching purple "Gellies" (remember those?! hehe...) and a purple pair of Tinkerbelle sunglasses. To tie it all together, P.Fairy left her a note in return, expressing her deepest congratulations on a job well done, and awarding Evyn the new name, "Fairy Evyn Rose." She also reminded Evyn not to cry for her old pacies anymore, because they have a good new home with a tiny baby. (Plus, P. Fairy will be returning now-and-then to check on Evyn and be sure she is not crying for those pacies!!!)

I snapped photos of the whole experience, and will post as soon as I get a chance to upload them.

Update on Evyn

I know that it has been a while since I have posted... and I am feeling a little guilty. I have a TON of pictures to sort through and upload onto the blog, and time is not on my side these days! Between Jazzercise, work, various home improvement projects, and well, life my calendar is booked up!

Evyn has grown so much, learning so many wonderful new things each day. She is loving her gymnastics class on Fridays, and can successfully complete a sommersault on her own. She loves the balance beams and the trampolines as well. She is doing great in school, and Travis and I had the absolute pleasure of visiting with her teacher for the second parent-teacher conference. Evyn can recite the continent she lives on, the state she lives in and the capital of our state. She also knows all of the continents if you give her a hint like, "Which continent is the baby continent?" She will respond, "Australia!" She is writing her name, and knows her alphabet. We are SO proud of our smart little girl :)

Last week held another big milestone in a little girl's life: Evyn moved to a "big girl bed!" She thinks it is quite novel that she doesn't need mommy or daddy to lift her into her bed... nor does she have to call for us to get her out. Thursday morning, I awoke to a little face looking directly at mine from the side of my bed. She proudly announced, "I sleep in 'ur' bed, mommy?" She is just getting so big.

Travis and I have lots of things on the calendar for the next couple of months, including a visit from Gigi Slagle (Travis' grandmother) from the panhandle. We have talked often of having her come visit, and finally decided it was time to get her a ticket, and enjoy a long weekend with her at our home. To make the weekend even more fun, Travis' younger sister, Priscila, is coming to visit the same weekend from Aguascalientes, MX. I imagine we will have all sorts of fun stories and pictures to post after that weekend is over :)

Pictures to follow shortly!!!